How to find love in Shanghai

1. Get hooked up before party season starts

Everyone has to have a party for the next four months. Early Christmas parties, pre-traveling Christmas house-parties, New Year’s bashes, Chinese New Year, and then, oh dear Lord, Valentine’s.

It is undesirable to be the third wheel, the gooseberry, the ugly loner, at any of these events.

 

Hot Asian girl (14)

2. Stop yourself from getting desperate

Check out the market now before everyone starts a short-term love-lease. You know how it’ll get. You might start doing those ‘pretending to be lez’ bar photos just to attract attention.

You’ll be drunk and vulnerable at a party and see the right hunky man or lovely lady, and go home with them. In the morning, he/she will have transformed into something that should live under a bridge and not come out in daylight.

Bumless Wonders

3. Avoid the pit of despair

Avoid it!
“No one will see me naked this year, I’ll stop shaving my legs.”
“Can I really be bothered to go out to the gym this evening?”
“My friends have this Sichuan dinner arranged, but I could just order taco delivery and facefuck a whole Haagen-Dazs tub.”

Keep up social acceptability this season by getting someone to whip you into shape.

Ugly

How individual and intelligent would YOU say each of these sweethearts personality is?

ridiculous

How – precisely – does a human grow from a child into something like this?

4. Have someone to miss

You might be traveling home this Winter. Don’t be sitting on your sofa at home with your parents, feeling like killing yourself as another dull TV programme comes on and the village pub closes at 10pm. Get together with someone now, and WeChat each other photos of your nether regions to stave off home-visit boredom.

hot asian big boobs big ass (8)

5. Feel like there’s a reason to return to Shanghai

Seasonal Affected Depression (SAD) is real in Shanghai. Pollution, lack of sunlight, dry skin, few events, everyone else having THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER in South East Asia can make anyone feel down. It’s much nicer to snuggle up on the sofa with another warm human being who can ring your bell every now and then, than snuggling up with a packet of tissues (for your sneezes), along with your sadness and regrets.

Chinese girl in dress off to Starbucks

Snow from Songjiang is off into town to enjoy a latte and a breaded food.

6. Have someone to buy presents for

You know how WeChat is. Everyone has to show off, all the time. Which means that this season, you will be lucky enough to see every big gift received by everyone.

“Thanks husband for my new Cartier necklace!”
“My girlfriend is the best, I have always wanted a cock-ring!”
“SOMEONE BOUGHT ME SOMETHING EXPENSIVE AND THEY LOVE ME AND THEY DON’T LOVE YOU”

and so on.

carls jr 1
7. Your friends back home are all settled

You might not want to rush into marriage and family. But chances are that all your friends back home are married, have kids, and are VERY happy to constantly remind you about this. Simply saying you are with someone and thinking about the future might help their judging, oh so judging glances. And you won’t have to kill them for saying “you’ll find someone eventually”

Wagyu burger Shanghai

8. Selfie city

Winter selfies look better with someone else in them. Convincing people you are happy when alone is more difficult when you keep posting 20 WeChat updates every day. “I went for a run!”, “I ate breakfast!”, “I’m going shopping!”. These are the hallmarks of a sad person who wants to be loved.

9. Stay human

This is for men. Men need a woman. Someone who thinks that eating off of the floor is NOT A GOOD THING. Someone who can remind you that ‘cleaning’ and ‘shaving’ and ‘showering’ are essential hobbies. Otherwise you’re just going to turn into a vile winter yeti, stinking out entire streets with your BO and mountaineer facial hair horror.

hot asian big boobs big ass (6)
10. Don’t cry

This is for women. Yes, we know that women are all independent, strong, confident, succeeding, happy happy ladies. But, they also seem to cry. When drunk. At the end of parties. When they’re alone. Don’t do the drunk party cry this year. Have someone to take you home and tuck you into bed.

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Categories: Play, Work

Author:developingcityblog

Foreigner in Shanghai

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