How to be a Facebook twat

As we know, Facebook is a place for people with no real life and no true friends, to spend time making posts, promoting things that no one wants, if they even read it. Which they don’t.

Oh, we all know about the people on Facebook and the things they do, this has been done. Oh really? It would seem that no one knows this. As everyone still does it, especially you.

So to both educate and mock all such people, I shall review:

1) Photos

Surely too wide a ranging category to mention as one single thing that people ‘do wrong’?

Well, yes. But you seem to be forgetting sub-categories, so, I shall review:

– photos of ugly women.

Well, they would call themselves ‘girls’. But ‘girls’ they are not. ‘Girls’ implies some level of 20s youth, attractivity, femininity or at least a basic level of prettiness, if not beauty.

Sadly, those females most interested in self-taken photos, of themself, possess none of these important qualities. Instead, they are ugly and stupid.

However, they are in luck:- the number of ugly and stupid men knows no limits, and in their at-home over-randy and genital-fiddly state, they heap ‘Likes’ and ‘Comments’ onto these munters, such as ‘so cute’ and ‘perfect’. This then absolutely convinces these troll-faced ‘gals’ that they should — no, they must — continue to post photos of their plain or just plain vomit-inducing faces onto Facebook … … every single day of the year.

Felicia

– photos of food.

Taking a photo of some local-style fried & greased meat that could aptly be described as ‘looking like dog shit’, and calling it ‘food porn’, should become a worldwide census of morons. Why is photographing every single of item of food that you eat, such condemnation of your (lack of) intelligence and class? I don’t know. But it is.

– shit photos

Take a photo of an ‘old lane’ in Shanghai. Set colour to black and white. No ‘sepia’. Go on, do it. I dare you.

(2) Humblebrags

“oh my god cant believe we have been nominated for shanghais best interior design firm at the 2013 shanghai interior design awards!”

“oh no just ruined my best Gucci dress, does anyone know how to remove seared ahi and foie gras from silk?”

and brags

“on the way to Tokyo airport to hook up with fashion designer Enrico Contarez and premiere my new clothing line at the fashion exhibition extravaganza!” (this will be followed by two comments: “I’ll see you there!” and “went there last year, it was soooo good! 🙂 ”

“dinner at mr n mrs bund tonight with the consul general and his wife, should be quite the lively discussion!”

(3) Shit philosophy by women

“if you keep doing this to me then you are out of my life”

“warm afternoon tea at Sinan Mansions… cloudy life is happy sleepy”

(4) People’s photos and comments about their children

Take it anywhere. Actually don’t take it anywhere else even. Just shut up and think about it to yourself, in a dark room with no one else there.

 

and more, so many more.

It is your job to correct these people, for the sake of any humanity left in the World.

Don’t stop yourself from making that mocking comment, do it, and do it now.

How individual and intelligent would YOU say each of these sweethearts personality is?

“wild weekend at bar rouge, thanks girls! it was our luxury”

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Internet

Author:developingcityblog

Foreigner in Shanghai

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