Oh you have to go there – NO ONE KNOWS IT

No one knows it!

Surely the favourite howl of pretentious, ‘old China hand’ expats who believe that they have almost literally unearthed a new venue or establishment – that they have single-handedly discovered a restaurant (or bar, etc.) which has until now remained an empty and presumably unsuccessful business – because no one knows it.

This is really at the extreme level of the ‘I know China more than you know China’ bravado which some expats thrill at enacting.

The commonplace trial of expat knowledge-qualification comes in as the usual “oh no don’t get there – no one goes there anymore. The best place is instead … ” and they then smugly quote whichever place that they were told is good, in turn, by the previous smug expat that they gobbled up the information from.

If you think that your own brain has used the power of it’s senses to inform you that you find a particular burger place, massage grotto, drinking hole or wizard’s sleeve just to your liking, smug expat – let’s call him Expat Jacques – will tell you in a thick and grotesque European accent that, in fact, you are just plain wrong.

You have been going to the ‘uncool’ place, whereas all of the Tyler Durdon-style, independent thinkers – nay, movers and shakers of the expat bubble now only go to ‘this’ place.

That, dear friends, is stage 1.

The stage 2 is at full tilt of the Expat Pioneer, he or she who knows places to which ‘no one goes’.

Once ‘people go there’ – meaning white people, Expat Pioneer will shun such a place.

No matter that the offerings on sale are still just as enjoyable, Expat Jacques MUST have the feeling of going somewhere that other foreigners rarely go to.

“Oh there were some non-locals eating there – that place has really ‘jumped the shark'”, he will say, thus inducing the power of many levels of idiocy – disliking somewhere because the feeling of being a unique snowflake has dissipated, and using pretentious and twattish phrases that only people with really nothing inside will elect to employ.

Remember to always ignore such people. Perhaps even administer a clear yet fair slap to their smug-entrenched faces while you’re there.



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Categories: Expat Life, Food


Foreigner in Shanghai


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