Female Foreign: Taking a lover. A normal one.

‘Female Foreign’ is a series in which our very own Femme Fatale gives us her perspective on normal life in Shanghai – if there is even such a thing …

Thank you. Well maybe not ‘Femme Fatale’! So – the fact is that most people – normal ones – find it difficult to also find normal people here.

It shouldn’t be that difficult, right? But it is!

We all know normal girls/women. We know normal guys/men. Yet, for some reason, the two rarely seem to meet.

OK, so it’s not uncommon for other girls here to moan that they just cannot find a normal guy. Most expat guys do not really have potential. That’s a sweeping statement, but come on. It’s not like I am blaming them. I mean they have this on a plate, any night of the week:

Not that this is great. I mean, it’s an acquired taste, right? And there could even be suspiscion about why they like boy-bodies and high-pitched squeels, but we’ll not go into that.

Well though, that is an option for them. They can feel like Big Amellican (or wherever) Man and feel like yeah – they can get women. Getting women is a big boon for such men. It’s not just that they have man-boobs bigger than these two lovely honey-bunnies. There are a multitude of reasons why they cannot usually get women.

So, they think that women probably just do not like sex.

So, there is a breed of man that thinks: “Yeah! SCORE! I got someone to have sex with me!”

They then high-five their pals (I assume) and all think they are really cool for persuading a woman – who remember, doesn’t like sex – into having sex with them.

I suppose if they ever realised that women do like sex, their heads would simply explode with confusion.

So now they have bagged a few boney-bums like the above two, they presume that they can get other women to have sex with them.

And this, reader, is where the problem lies.

Other women seem to reject them. Saying “Ni hao!” to a Western women and offering her the opportunity to “watch a DVD” with him just does not seem to entice her to have sex with him. But WHY? WHY?! It worked with the boney-bums. Why is it not working now?

Ah. It must be because Western women are stuck up and arrogant. Yes. That must be it.

That, in a horrible and vile nutshell, is one side of things here.

Though recently, I learnt another.

Normal men also find it difficult to find normal women. And they want to. They want a normal, nice relationship with a normal, nice woman.

They have all alread tried a local girlfriend. And after the eleventh drama or the fifth time she sent ridiculous text messages or the first time he met her family or friends, he realised that this isn’t really a road to anywhere, except insanity.

I went out recently with some guy friends. I was ready (and quite happy to enjoy) a night of experiencing ‘men being men’ – you know, just silly-ly leering at women and talking about their ridiculous conquering stories. That did not happen. Instead, they spent a lot of the time talking about the frustration of being surrounded by girls who will think about marriage as soon as they meet someone. Girls who have been culturally taught to ‘play’ with a man to get what they want. Girls who have expectations of material gifts as an absolute must part of having a relationship.

Yes, I learnt one very important thing that night. Men – they are humans too. Who knew?



Categories: Expat Life


Foreigner in Shanghai


Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.


  1. Christmas is here. Bum boobs. | Developing City - November 27, 2012

    […] was said a while ago, simply finding normal people is tricky in […]

  2. Expat Dad: Using your kids for your own benefit | Developing City - January 4, 2013

    […] when meeting us silly Western man. (which is not really their fault – there are so many arrogant morons […]

  3. Female Foreign: Relationship fatality in Shanghai | Developing City - February 14, 2013

    […] I already mentioned how finding a lover is on the difficult side of things in Shanghai. But the thing is, even if you do find someone who […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: